Recently, I seem to be attracting the same conversation wherever I go. I’ve been talking to people from all different parts of my life and no one seems to be happy.
I’ve been through times myself where I’ve got a bit stale, or not realised months have passed and I’m stuck in a routine which isn’t where I want to be, but right now I am in a really great place. A very different place to where I was when I wrote my blog earlier in the year, crying over turning 30! But this makes me sad – people are unhappy, and they don’t see how to fix it.
The conversations I have been having have been a mixture – not being in the right career, not being happy with their body, problem relationships…
My mindset, and I know this might sound a little ‘dreamland’ at first, is you can have, and you can do anything you want. If you are not happy, you can change it! Life is too short to not be happy!
If you are bored of your job, remember we work to live, not live to work. It is important that this area fulfils you. First of all, question yourself – do you need to move on or just shake things up a bit? Sometimes it doesn’t need to be a drastic change, just a switch up of the routine, or perhaps approaching adding in a new responsibility. If it’s a complete career change, then great – go for it with arms wide open!
Ask yourself, what do you ultimately want to do? If nothing was holding you back, what would you do?
Here is a bit of fun (Come on fellow list dorks!)
- Write down your ultimate goal
- Write down what is stopping you
- Now take each of those points and write next to them how you can overcome them.
Do you need to take a course to expand your experience? Do you need to relocate? Do you need money to do this? If so, how much? (Now repeat the exercise for these problems!)
By breaking it up you can start to see a path to getting to where you want to go. Observe the hurdles, then knock them down!
When it comes to being unhappy in a relationship, it can be difficult because our feelings are all drenched in fears of being without the one we love, or being alone. Remember, you were your own person before you made this relationship – what would ‘past you’ do? I always had a saying in my head which, to be honest, is not the best saying in the world…. “make your you, then add your one” meaning you need to complete yourself, before you can add anyone in.
Now, I have never claimed to be a philosopher, but this really resonates with me. Sometimes it can feel like we should be in a relationship. Like everyone else is, so I should be too! What’s more, when you have been in a relationship for a long time, or even maybe gone from one relationship to another in a relatively short period of time (and probably dating back to when you were very young!), it can be absolutely terrifying to imagine what it would be like to be alone! How would I fill my time? Would my friends be free enough? Who would I hang out with? What even are my solo hobbies? And then there is the threat of a future potentially alone – all alone – the mind whirls, what if I miss the boat? What if I die alone, eaten by Alsatians? (thank you, Bridget, for this one) Am I too old to be this fussy?
Well let me tell you now – no you are not! You be as damn well fussy as you like! I guess the real point I want to make is – these fears hold us back from change. But with the right mindset, you will make change work for you, if that’s what’s right. And if it turns out it’s not, make a change back! You might even be glad you had the chance to work through what was bothering you, and hopefully be more the happier for it.
You can use the same process as above for your relationship. First, do you need to move on or just adjust? This is where it is really tricky as I personally get torn between two conflicting personal mottos ‘never give up & always fix’, and ‘life is too short to be unhappy’. If you can fix it, and be truly happy, and I mean TRULY happy, do it. Do whatever you can. But if you need to, move on. It’s hard to see future you, but life is what you make of it. If you want to be happy, you can do it.
Someone else once said to me some really important words to do with a past relationship which I hope resonates with anyone in the position where their relationship is not feeling quite right. What you see as your partners flaws, as issues that occur in your relationship – these might not even exist if they were with someone else. Why should you struggle through, when you, and they, can both be happier with other people?
I know all of these things are not as easy as I am making it sound. There is a long thought process and risk to consider too. It is hard to come to the realisation in your relationship that it is not working, and sometimes there are much bigger factors involved (like having children). I do understand. But I just feel that life is too short to not live every day to the full, and not make every day awesome.
Next time you have even the slightest doubt of happiness, find a fix. You are worth more than this. Life is worth more than this.