How are we all getting on with making lemonade in 2017?
One of my intentions for the new year was to lose some weight, because…I’m getting married in a few months time! Eek!
As a committed procrastinator, it took me a while to get going, but here I am, 14 days in…
Losing weight for me has always been a gruesome battle…yo-yoing from diet to diet, jumping onto whatever latest fad is circulating my Facebook feed. And when I’m not doing that – I’m stubbornly and assuredly telling myself that I don’t care, ‘I love myself as I am’, proceeding to eat the entire world, getting larger and larger in the process, but refusing to buy any new clothes and having to live in PJs whenever possible.
This time… I’m attempting this in a whole new manner. Neither of those extremes particularly scream self love to me (as much as I can pretend that ‘loving myself as I am’ in my over-eating phase is actually coming from a true place of self love – its not, lets be honest). If I were to totally and utterly love myself, which is most definitely my biggest life lesson, and a work in progress every day, surely I would care how I was fueling my body. Surely I would care, when I look in the mirror and can no longer see the true shape of my facial features…Surely I would want to give myself the longest, healthiest and happiest life that I could…
And so, this month, I’ve been working with vulnerability.
You may have seen this life changing Ted talk by Brene Brown… and if you haven’t, then oh my goodness, watch it now!
Brene is one of my favorite people in the public eye today. This talk is transformative in so many ways. (FYI her books are also incredible) I’ll only briefly summarize it because, you’ve hopefully just watched the video… Life = changed forever, right?
Vulnerability is POWER. Its not something we should be afraid of. Its not something we should ever hide from. In order to live a fulfilled & whole hearted life, we absolutely and categorically NEED to embrace our vulnerability. She’s proved it, with like, research and statistics and everything…
What does this have to do with weight loss? Well… whenever I diet, or restrict my eating in any way, I’ve done it enough to realise that the minute I stop putting things in my stomach, whats sitting under all that food is pure vulnerability. Yep…that rumbling worry of anxiety or fear that sits in my tummy, that would rather I didn’t write this somewhat soul-baring article, that I didn’t take that risk, that I didn’t put myself out there in any way, that I withhold myself from any form of anything other than ‘what everyone else is doing.’
So. This month, a’la ‘Brene Brown’ style, I’ve decided to just have a chat with that vulnerability.
Me, ‘Hello vulnerability, whats going on? Why are you so afraid?’
Vulnerability, after the shock at being spoken to and acknowledged after how ever many years of being smothered and numbed by food, then proceeded, like a whining child, to tell me all its fears, all its judgements/shame/worries.
I nodded knowingly and lovingly, patted vulnerability on the back and told it that everything would be OK. Because guess what? None of those fears, judgements, shameful thoughts or worries actually had any place in my life. None were warranted fears that actually had any traction whatsoever…
The magical thing was, once I’d listened to my vulnerability with love and compassion…it disappeared completely…dissipated into thin air. Sure, it came back the next day with another list of fears, another list of worries…but, again, once listened to, those fears were let go of.
Two weeks in, and vulnerability doesn’t seem to be sitting deep under a pile of food in my stomach any more, but its hanging out with me day to day, feeling much happier about life and ready to embrace what comes. When something new comes along thats scary, as it always will, it makes its case known, but we’re now the best of friends. I no longer feel the need to eat in order to cover it up.
And…I lost 7lb.